We all realize that our children imbibe their values from us. But do we really understand the power of this mirroring process? Are we willing to take responsibility for their development on a moment-to-moment basis, understanding that this means becoming aware of how we speak, how we share, and most importantly how we relate to ourselves and others? Our children come with a definite temperament yes, but the manner in which we shape it is all in our hands. We have the choice to help them be more materialistic or more spiritual; more giving or more self-centered. But let us not have the illusion that just because we teach acceptance or adventure, our children will automatically be this way when they are teenagers or adults; let us not get swept away in some manic, egoic delusion that we are the creators of our children’s ways of being. Hardly, but on the other hand, we do have the considerable ability to plant certain seeds as opposed to others. We do not get to have the right to tell our children that they must water these seeds or tend to their fruition; this is our children’s rights. Our only responsibility is to be conscious of the seeds we do put in their potting soil. This is our spiritual obligation to them; to plant and then, to provide the freedom and space to let them be nurtured by our children’s inherent will, wisdom and destiny. There is both tremendous power in this responsibility as well as a humbling acceptance of its limitations. It is this line, of knowing what our power is but also where it ends, that defines a conscious parent.?Let us contemplate the following lines:
Our children are not born greedy
It is we who teach our children how to be greedy
By giving them diamonds instead of sticks and stones
It is we who teach our children how to fear adventure
By rewarding their successes and reprimanding their failures
It is we who teach our children how to lie to us
By getting angry with them when they tell us the truth
It is we who teach our children how to be mean and violent to others
By disregarding their true emotions and denying their right to feeling unconditionally accepted
It is we who teach our children to lose their motivation and zeal
By pressuring them to excel and ?be something?
It is we who teach our children to dishonor us
By pushing them to be who they are not
It is we who teach our children to be bullies
By dominating their spirits and silencing their voice
It is we who teach our children to be confused and overwhelmed
By giving them all things external but few tools to look internally
It is we who teach our children to be inattentive and distracted
By inundating their lives with busy activities, leaving no space for stillness
It is we who teach our children to live lives looking outward
By spending our time and energy on our own looks and acquisitions
It is we who teach our children to know shame
By shaming their spirits and judging them constantly
It is we who teach them to be anxious
By denying the celebration of our own present, eyes constantly on tomorrow
It is we who teach our children how to not like themselves
By constantly splitting their emotions into the ones we ?like? and don?t
It is we who teach our children to not trust the world
By betraying them every time we do not truly see who they are in essence
It is we who teach our children how to love or not love
By the extent to which we love or don?t love ourselves
Our children soak in our ways of being and once older, either rebel against them or inculcate them into their repertoire of responses to their inner and outer world. They get to make this choice; they have this freedom. Our only job is to provide the palette of colors from which they choose to dress their outlook on life. Let us choose the shades with care, conscious of each nuanced hue, mindful of how they will ultimately mix together to paint their inner canvass. Let us be fully conscious of how it is we provide these colors, prepared to be enlightened ourselves, to let go of contrasts that do not work so well, ready to learn new techniques of mixing and blending as we ourselves are learning to be more evolved. Our children deserve the very best effort we can put forth in building their palette. Let us do the spiritual work necessary to offer this sacred gift in the most mindful and conscious way possible.
