It’s a universal truth: Parents want their children to be happy. For many moms and dads, the way to do this is to spare the child from the same pain and struggles that they themselves experienced as children so many years ago. But does this approach come at a cost?

One mother, Shannon, worries that it might. “When [my daughter is] in that moment, all I see is myself when I was her age, thinking the same thing — what I wanted, what I needed and what I didn’t get,” she says. “I want to be able to give that to her, but I still want her to be strong. That’s where I don’t know what to do.”

Watch above as parenting expert Dr. Shefali Tsabary explains where true strength comes from and how to provide both support and guidance today that will allow children to be more alive and engaged in the future.

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